Letters to the editor
From time to time, readers of this blog take the trouble to write in an effort to draw attention to their causes, and in the hope that I may turn champion for their cause. I have, in an action of what I feel is admirable ambivalence, reproduced a couple here in order to avoid having to do anything about them.
From: Mrs T Angyeman, secretary to the Federation of Banana Republics
For too long now, the term 'banana republic' has been used in a solely negative context. We at the Federation of Banana Republics demand that this practice ends immediately, as the comparisons that are made have a negative impact on our standing within the international community. For example, the council elections in Birmingham this year: 1000s of voting cards were found abandonned and uncounted, disgracing the name of democracy in the country, and what does Judge Richard Mawrey say? That the events would 'disgrace a banana republic'. What sort of impact do you think this has on the image of our member countries? It tarnishes the proud tradition of democracy that many of them have. Take, for example, Nicaragua, one of the founding members of the Federation. Nicaragua successfully held elections, only to have America of all people interfer! This is the America that to elect George Bush had to rely on a group of people mainly appointed by other republicans! And they call us corrupt.
I trust that this letter will go someway to redressing this slanderous behaviour.
From: Mr J Smidge
With all the talk of banning smoking in public places, will someone please spare a thought for the passive-smokers out there. Those of us who enjoy sitting in other's smoke, who take pleasure in distinguishing between brands and flavours of other's tobacco. There are those of us who have a nicotine addiction, but cannot afford to buy cigarettes to satisfy the cravings. There are those who are not allowed to smoke by wives, husbands, children, pregnancies etc. and relish the prospect of going to a smoky crowded room to get the merest of nicotine rushes, and to surreptitiously licking ashtrays at the end of an evening. Surely by banning smoking in public places, the government is infringing our rights to smoke passively.
If you have any letters for the editor, please address them to Paisley's Pants etc etc. Alternatively, you could send an email to paisleywhitworth[at]fastmail[dot]fm